Why Biblical Community Doesn’t Just Happen

As I was preparing my sermon on Acts 2 this week, I kept coming back to this idea of fellowship and why it seems so elusive in many modern churches. The image that came to mind was making cookies, specifically, white chocolate macadamia nut cookies (my personal favorite).

You can buy white chocolate chips and macadamia nuts and set them on the counter next to each other, but that doesn’t give you cookies. You have to work those ingredients together with other components, mix them thoroughly, and bake them to create something new and delightful.

Similarly, putting Christians in a room together doesn’t automatically create fellowship. It takes work. It takes time. It takes patience.

The Myth of Instant Community

We live in an instant culture. We expect immediate results in nearly every area of life, from fast food to on-demand streaming to same-day delivery. This expectation has seeped into our church experience as well. We visit a small group once or twice and expect to feel immediately connected. When that doesn’t happen, we conclude, “These people are weird” or “I just don’t fit in here.”

The early church in Acts 2 challenges this mindset. These believers were devoted to fellowship, the Greek word is koinonia, which implies a deep, intentional sharing of life. This wasn’t something that happened accidentally or instantly. It was something they committed themselves to developing over time.

Everyone Is Hard to Love (In Some Way)

Here’s a truth I’ve observed after years in ministry: we are all difficult to love in some area of our lives. I love you all, but I have to be honest, some of you are really hard to love!

(Don’t worry, I’m not looking at anyone specifically.)

The reality is that in some area of all of our lives, we are hard to love. We each have our quirks, our rigid opinions, our hobby horses that we like to ride. We each have wounds that make us defensive, blind spots that make us insensitive, and patterns that make us frustrating. That’s why true biblical community takes work, because it involves loving real people, not idealized versions of people.

In the world’s system, the solution is to hide these flaws. Never let them see you sweat. Never reveal your weaknesses. Always appear as though you have it all together.

But the gospel offers a radically different approach. Instead of hiding our imperfections, we acknowledge them. Instead of projecting strength, we admit weakness. Instead of pretending we have it all figured out, we confess that we’re still works in progress.

This vulnerability creates the space for true fellowship to develop. It’s like a reset to the Garden of Eden, where Adam and Eve were “naked and unashamed” before the fall. In authentic biblical community, we can finally stop hiding.

The Patience of Transformation

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this same experience with people who are reluctant to join small groups. I encourage them repeatedly: “Go to a small group. Give it a try.” Finally, they attend once, and I get a phone call the next week: “Dale, these people are weird!”

Yes, I know. Tell me something I don’t know!

But here’s what happens when people persist. They keep showing up, and three months later, I can’t pull these people apart! The same folks who could barely stand each other at first are now going to dinner together, planning vacations together, doing life together.

What changed? Not the people, they’re still the same “weird” folks. What changed was the depth of relationship. With time and repeated exposure, annoyances become endearing quirks. Surface-level judgments give way to deeper understanding. Guardedness transforms into vulnerability.

But this transformation requires patience. It requires showing up week after week, even when it feels uncomfortable. It requires giving others grace as they learn to navigate relationship with you, just as you’re learning to navigate relationship with them.

Biblical Community as Counter-Cultural Witness

In a society increasingly marked by isolation, polarization, and superficial connection, authentic biblical community stands as a powerful counter-cultural witness.

The early church in Acts included people from “every nation under heaven”, different languages, cultures, and backgrounds. Yet they were “together” in a way that transcended these differences. They shared meals in each other’s homes daily. They prayed together. They learned together. They met each other’s needs.

This unity-in-diversity was so compelling that “the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved” (Acts 2:47). People were drawn to what they saw in this community, not primarily because of polished presentations or strategic outreach programs, but because of the authentic love believers had for one another.

The same can be true today. In a world starved for genuine connection, when we cultivate biblical community, we offer something desperately needed. But we must be honest: this community won’t happen automatically or instantly. It requires intentional effort, uncomfortable vulnerability, and patient persistence.

The Reward of Perseverance

I’ve been moved by the testimonies many of you have shared about what biblical community here at our church has meant to you:

Mark and Cathy told me about a time when work was scarce and they were starting to visit food pantries. When their small group found out, they rallied with help, prayer, and support. Later, when Hurricane Helene devastated their property, our church family showed up with tractors and saws to help.

June shared how having friends walk through life struggles makes burdens lighter. She described how friends provided prayer, emotional support, and hands-on assistance during her mother’s illness and passing.

These stories didn’t happen after one or two meetings. They represent the fruit of sustained commitment to being in community, showing up consistently, opening up vulnerably, and building trust gradually.

Starting the Hard Work

If you’re not experiencing this kind of biblical community, how do you begin cultivating it?

Here are some practical steps I’d encourage:

1. Commit to consistency. Don’t give up after one or two awkward small group meetings. Give it at least three months of regular attendance before deciding it’s not for you.
2. Practice vulnerability. Take the risk of sharing something real, not everything at once, but something beyond surface-level pleasantries. Often, your vulnerability gives others permission to be vulnerable too.
3. Stay through the awkward. When there’s a lull in conversation or someone says something strange, resist the urge to retreat. Some of the deepest connections form just on the other side of awkwardness.
4. Extend grace. Remember that everyone is difficult to love in some way, including you! Approach others with the same patience and understanding you hope they’ll extend to you.
5. Look beyond affinity. Don’t just seek people who are like you in age, stage of life, or interests. Some of the richest fellowship comes from connecting across differences.

Biblical community is worth the work. As we devote ourselves to fellowship, really working at it, we begin to experience what the early church discovered: the joy of being truly known and truly loved, the strength of bearing one another’s burdens, and the witness of a unity that can only be explained by the Spirit’s presence.

I’d love to hear your experiences with building biblical community in our church. What challenges have you faced? What breakthroughs have you experienced? Drop me an email or let’s chat after service on Sunday.